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 Courage is fear that has said its prayers. I am the shoulder for you to cry on. I am the one who will always support you. I am the one who worries when you are blue. I am the one who promised not to make you cry. I am the guy who would cry with you. I am the person who will wipe your tears for you. I am the jester when you need a smile. I am the teacher who would reprimand when you're wrong. I am the friend who reprimands with pain. I am the first to smile when you see your mistakes. I will never forgive you. Only because I will never be frustrated with you. I am Sebastian and I do these because I love you. Sebastian Wong Aries 15 April 1991 |
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Saturday, July 19, 2008 ~ 12:06 AM
Be At Peace With Yourself This post will be my confession. All these years, I have to admit that I have never been really glad for being myself. Sounds confusing? To put it into simpler terms, I am just unhappy with myself. I have always felt flawed. Flawed in countless ways. Some of these flaws are so prominent and noticeable ( my height for example), some are concealed almost perfectly. There are many times I feel so imperfect. But this sentence would sound very misleading as no one is perfect, so I think incomplete would be a more suitable term. Just like a bird that couldn't fly, a song without its chorus, a one-winged angel. Incomplete. Flawed. A mistake, an accident, a joke. I have been searching for a very long time. There are people who says that everyone has his own unique talent. I strongly believed in that then. I admire alot of people. People around me who probably don't believe me when I tell them. People who are intelligent, confident, courageous, and talented in so many ways. I study very hard and yet my grades is much poorer than those who put in half as much as effort as I do. I am not good in music either, people could learn what I took weeks to learn in a few hours. My body isn't in the best condition. I couldn't breathe well and I am sick so often. Recently, someone told me I couldn't breathe, hear or see well. Something that I found myself agreeing. I am not good-looking and all sorts of stuff. I am not good in anything at all. I still remember praying for all these stuff every night before I sleep. Telling myself that perhaps my sincere prayers will move God into giving me something. I didn't get anything I prayed for still. But I don't blame God. His ways are beyond our understanding and thats probably why so many people believe in him. I have always changed myself to suit the world. Conformed myself so that I would be accepted. I hope that isn't shameful. Afterall, who doesn't wish to be accepted? Today, when I was walking to the supermarket, I suddenly understood something. I want to be at peace with myself. Our world's system, is shaped for the majority. Studies, Music, Everything. People are taken to be successful if they can earn millions, if they are excellent in studies, if they are marvellous in music. These are all for the majority, isn't it? Since I am good at none of these. Why conform myself to suit the majority and end up feeling flawed, imcomplete and unhappy? Why be a penjuin who yearns for flight? I am tired of changing and my previous lifestyle. Exhausted from yearning acceptance from everyone. Fatigued from restraining myself so that people will not dislike me. Weary from not being myself. Therefore, I promised myself. Sebastian should just be Sebastian. Why change? If you yourself dislike yourself. Who wouldn't? Be at peace with yourself and live life happily. Yes. That will be what I will be doing for the rest of my life =) |
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