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 Courage is fear that has said its prayers. I am the shoulder for you to cry on. I am the one who will always support you. I am the one who worries when you are blue. I am the one who promised not to make you cry. I am the guy who would cry with you. I am the person who will wipe your tears for you. I am the jester when you need a smile. I am the teacher who would reprimand when you're wrong. I am the friend who reprimands with pain. I am the first to smile when you see your mistakes. I will never forgive you. Only because I will never be frustrated with you. I am Sebastian and I do these because I love you. Sebastian Wong Aries 15 April 1991 |
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Kar Mun Celest Clarice Elaine Francesca Genevieve Hanwei Joshua Jieying John Paulina Peijin Peiming Ruixiang Shawn Tricia Waeting |
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Thursday, January 24, 2008 ~ 6:57 AM
12 = ONE TWO DIE I finally gotten back my O level results. How do I feel ? Add sadness and disappointment together. Today , I skipped classes as I was simply too tired and had no mood to study due to my nervousness. I kept praying to God because I had a gut feeling that my results would be poorer compared to my Preliminary Examinations as I didn't prepare much for my O levels. '' Let me get a good L1R5 , I don't want to dissappoint my parents and I want to get into a good school '' I had lots of flashbacks of me chatting in Msn and watching television O levels was drawing near. I called that '' pressure releasing '' then. Now , I call that stupidity. You just had to sacrifice your stupid television and entertainment for that few months. Why can't you even do that? Because you are stupid. Someone once told me , '' You reap what you sow. The effort you put in shall be the results you get. '' I didn't give a damn about him. I continued to do my assignments at the last minute and played my games everyday. I continued chatting in Msn every day I got home from school even though my teachers told me to revise that day's lesson ourselves. I was complacent . I thought I didn't need hard work at all. I was so wrong. Today , as our principal named the people who gotten 7 distinctions and above. I laughed and cheered for my classmates all along. Deep down , I was crying. What right do I have to be sad ? You chose not to put in the effort , they chose the opposite. They deserve what they got. You deserve nothing. When I got back my results slip from Miss Auyong , I saw her expression. It told me that she didn't know what to say to me so that I won't be upset. '' Not bad , Sebastian '' That was what she said. I flipped open my results slip , I only gotten 4 distinctions and the other were all b3s. I was shocked. I didn't dare to count my L1R5 , so I did it slowly. I counted 12. No , that isn't my target. I counted again. 12. That was what I got. Even after the 2 point deduction from my CCA , my score would still be a double digit . I was so dissappointed beyond words even though I knew I should be happy because I am really really lucky especially when I didn't put in as much effort as some of my friends did .I wandered around and saw people leaping in joy and wondered why I wasn't them. I wanted to cry so much. People asked me for my grades. I didn't want to say. They insisted , I told them. They clapped my shoulder and said , '' Not bad'' But , it wasn't good either. They got 9 and below. Of cause they could say that. It isn't their score afterall. I saw people crying. Some were crying out of despair , others were crying for joy. I tried to avoid people I know by walking away from my class. Then , I saw Peiming. Her face were tear stained. She actually bursted into tears halfway when she was talking to me. I almost wanted to be like her and cry infront of everyone. But I couldn't do that , how would my friends feel about me if I were to cry when my grades were already better than some people ? Wouldn't it hurt them more ? I laughed with all of my friends , but I wanted to scream so much. People said eating sweet things can make you feel better. So I asked Yuheng to eat desserts with me in the coffeeshop near my home. It wasn't effective at all. I went home and signed in Msn. Aaron ( he used to be my best friend in primary school ) asked me for my results. I was so ashamed that I regretted signing on because I once boasted to him that the O level Additional Mathematics paper was no feat at all. Such an arrogant remark , Sebastian. I told him I got 12. He told me he got 6. This was that he typed. Aaron : =) I thought you said that the A maths and E maths paper were very easy ? I didn't know if he meant it to be humiliating . But it was then , I cried. It won't be possible for time to return . The best I can do now would be to accept my scores and get into the best school my results can offer. I hope I can enter Anderson Junior College , although I know the chances are very slim. Dear God , if you can hear me , can you please bless me with good luck ? I really want to study there. |
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